


I always knew it would end like this

by ateezlights



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hongjoong is selfish, Life changes love, Love or love yourself, M/M, Seonghwa is strong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:00:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26561797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ateezlights/pseuds/ateezlights
Summary: A seongjoong au wherein hongjoong is struggling with his music career and seonghwa being the supportive boyfriend that he is, continues to cheer him up.or where life challenges love.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29





	I always knew it would end like this

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Im back with a hongjoong oneshot that no one asked for. <3
> 
> Disclaimer !
> 
> \- english is not my first language so beware of grammatical mistakes.  
> \- i personally wrote this for myself but thought why not share it? heheh

Moving in together was definitely the best decision they both ever made, Seonghwa clearly remembers up to this day how hongjoong just said “live with me” out of the blue that one night at some house party on their third year in college. It was very sudden but he nods anyway, not knowing if it was the alcohol in his system “okay” he says in response with a smile he can’t control to hide. They’ve been dating for almost five years already, Seonghwa graduated from medical school and he’s just on review for his upcoming licensure exams. Hongjoong, on the other hand, is still pursuing his dreams; music, music has been hongjoong’s life ever since—music is his life and his music is what made Seonghwa fall in love with him, despite the struggles to make his dream come true, seonghwa always made sure to praise him and his works. Seonghwa has always been his number one fan and Seonghwa was always there in every gig he had, Seonghwa was always there to support him, lift his spirits up and Seonghwa, he is the only person who truly believes in him; Seonghwa believed that he would make it— “I believe in you, Joong” is what he would always say just like right now, Hongjoong just had a very rough day and he feels like on the verge of a cliff waiting for a huge fall but here’s seonghwa, holding him in his arms with warmth and love “Thanks hwa, Im just…” he pauses for a while thinking about the right exact words to describe how he feels “Im tired. Im so fucking tired Hwa but i cant seem to give up. I want to but my heart wants to keep going until i make it” Hongjoong says as he sits up to face his boyfriend “And that’s because i know, you know too, that you will make it out there someday. Give it more push and who knows?” Seonghwa tried really hard to cheer him up and it always worked “You know what? Im so lucky i have you” Hongjoong blurted out 

“Yeah? Is that because im handsome or is that because im soon to be doctor park?” Seonghwa jokes of course which cause Hongjoong to laugh “Silly. It can be that, sure, but im lucky enough to have someone like you” Hongjoong stared at him with so much adoration, Hongjoong had always looked at him like that. It’s as if he was the one who hanged the stars, the universe and every beautiful things on earth. “You don’t realize just how beautiful you are, do you?” Hongjoong says smiling at him “Im not but thanks for thinking that way” Seonghwa would always disagree about it but Hongjoong could and would write a thousand words of essay just about how fucking beautiful he is, he could go on for days just to talk about seonghwa and how beautiful he is inside and out, he would do them if someone asks— “Oh right, im going to study for a while before i go to bed. Go ahead and rest, joong-ah” Seonghwa says before he stands up and proceeds to get his thick ass books, he made his way on to the living room where the round table is—If he’s being honest, life is just getting harder and harder for him but he’d never tell Hongjoong that. He knows better than to let hongjoong worry about his own worries, he shakes his head and reads the chapter he left at last night. Hours passed by and Seonghwa realizes how it’s already two in the morning, he’s been buried in his book since 9 in the evening— He felt his stomach complain so he decides to check and get something maybe on the fridge, as he opens the fridge he sees how there’s just a bunch of alcoholic beverages with nothing edible to eat. He checks the rice cookers and sees a small portion of rice, he stares before he decides to not just eat. It’s been like that for a week now, he’s barely making money with his part time job and they still haven’t payed their bills but he’d figure that later on.

He arrives ten minutes late to work and he got what feels like an hour of lecture from his boss, as much as he’d like to defend himself there’s nothing really he can do. He’s just a part timer and he have nothing else to blame except himself. He should’ve woken up early to get on the first bus to avoid traffic but he didn’t, it just all falls back on to him. He kept quiet and apologizes for his behavior before exiting his boss’s office, for now, he just needs to welcome customers with a smile on his face and serve them with a good service or else he’d really lose this job “Hey, Seong, you okay?” Geonhak, his work mate asks him “Yeah im fine, same shit. Anyway let’s get this day done with immediately i still need to study more chapters” Seonghwa sighs as he cleans the table with a clean rug “Why the fuck are you putting up with this? Your family is like rich rich, why do you let yourself suffer like this?” Geonhak says after finally mastering the courage to ask the younger about it, truth be told Seonghwa’s parents owns one of the biggest and successful hospitals in Seoul and he just found that out recently when Seonghwa slips out last week when the whole crew went out for some dinner and drinks. “I don’t want to rely on them and besides i have to prove something to them and mostly to myself that i can do it even if im alone” Seonghwa says nonchalantly, he doesn’t really mind when people asked him about his parents and their wealth because it’ll just give him more motivation to do good and to get the damn doctor license and he’s always keep in his mind to make it come true, very soon.

The day in the restaurant was great but not as great when he’s on the way of his studying and people orders food and ask for more damn service but hey, that’s life— He arrives home a little early around seven in the evening and Hongjoong is nowhere to be found in their apartment. Maybe he’s at a gig is what he thinks—unbeknownst to him, Hongjoong is actually pretty fucked and drunk in some bar he didn’t even knew existed, He received a call bright early in the morning “Good morning, We found your number on his contacts and thought you’d maybe want to picked up your friend at Violetá Bar, Thank you” and the calls end.

Seonghwa groans “fucking hell” he murmured under his breath. He freshen up really quick and hops in the bus on his way to pick up Hongjoong, Upon his arrival, there he saw Hongjoong completely drunk and out of it. “Im so sorry for causing trouble, Sir. How much is the bill?” He politely apologizes and when he saw the bill, he knew he’d never be able to pay for the electricity bill but he paid for it anyways because again, he doesn’t have any choice. He picks up Hongjoong and struggled to walk until the bus stop. His heart breaks seeing Hongjoong at this state, he can’t help but hugged him close to his chest. “Im so sorry baby, im really sorry” he doesn’t know what he’s being sorry for but he definitely wants to take Hongjoong’s pain away and it hurts him how he can’t do anything about it. 

He feels pathetic for living life like this. Hongjoong is surely hurting and he can’t imagine how painful it must be to get rejected ton of times, the pain of still smiling despite rejection. He can never imagine Hongjoong’s pain and so all he does is pick up hongjoong and build him up again, until he is sober but sometimes he gets tired too. Sometimes he needs that building up but he can never let himself do that because by the time he lets his self rest is also the time Hongjoong breaks and needs him. The time he wants to close his eyes and just forget the world is also the time his phone rings from different bars asking him to pick up his “friend” and one time he had enough of it “He is my boyfriend! my boyfriend okay! im picking him up now. stop calling me!” He yells into the phone before leaving the apartment and ignoring all the mails probably mails of bills they had to pay. He ignores them and picks up hongjoong always, leaving money on the counter and carrying him home. 

The next day he wakes up to a message notification saying “Good morning, Mr Park this is Seoul Electric. We are informing you of your three month balance, please settle down the remaining balance by the end of this month.” Seonghwa keeps on reading the text. Its a sunday and if he goes for some quick rockets down in Seoul he’d probably manage to pay the electricity bill and finally get some groceries with his advance pay. He calculates the days he still has and he has wednesday, thursday, friday, and saturday—four days. he has four days to pay them or else they’d get their electricity cut off. He searched for Hongjoong as he sees his side empty— “How many fucking times do i have to tell you this?! No! Im not interested to be in a group. I want a solo career!” He overheard the conversation, Seonghwa looks down on his phone and decided to just not bother Hongjoong about it. He left their apartment after sending Wooyoung a text and when he reached his place he sees San, Wooyoung’s boyfriend. 

“Hey hwa!” Wooyoung cheerfully greets him and welcomed him with a hug, Wooyoung is his classmate in college slash best friend and just like him they’re both doctors in the making. “Woo, do you have any gigs or just any work. I badly need one”

“Nah fuck that. Im not gonna let you suffer more. What the fuck hwa? You don’t have to go through all of this and you know that. You’re a very smart person why the hell are you working alone to keep you and hongjoong alive? huh? He could’ve at least get some part time job and help you pay your fucking bills but here you are, of fucking course, here you are looking for another work to pay your damn bills when you can’t even sleep for more than five hours everyday because of hongjoong and because of your stubbornness. Please stop doing this to yourself” Wooyoung says genuinely out of concern, he’d always hated how Hongjoong turned out when he found out about Seonghwa’s situation through Yunho, their other friend “Yunho told me everything don’t even deny it” Wooyoung was quick before Seonghwa could make up excuses.

“You know joongs struggling a lot and i can’t add more burden to that”

“fuck him honestly, aren’t you struggling too? does he even know that you’re studying while working?! does he know how much of an asshole your boss is? does he know how many times you get yelled at for basically just fucking reading your book in an attempt to review so you could get your doctor license and finally get out of that hell hole?!” Wooyoung was mad. He was mad at his best friend for putting others first before himself but as soon as seonghwa opens his mouth to answer him, he kinds of understand “You’d never understand just how much i love Hongjoong that im willing to go all through this just so we stay together until we both make our dreams come true. You’d never understand because San is already up there and you’re just as close to the top. If you could help me out just this once, i’ll promise i will never let this happen again. not to me, not to joong, and not to any of us” Seonghwa feels his vision get a little blurry but he wipes his eyes with the back of his hands immediately. He doesn’t want Wooyoung to witness more of his pathetic self.

———-

Seonghwa wasn’t able to pay their bills and what was supposed to be the paymen for their electricity turns to be the payment for Hongjoong’s alcohol bill. He looks at the change which happens to be a two thousand won. A fucking two thousand won. “Im so fucking tired” he murmured under his breath—They reached their apartment with no lights in sight, no nothing. Its dark pitch and they have nothing on the fridge but a peanut butter, two cans of tuna, a pack of ramyeon, water and a tray of eggs. He leaves hongjoong on their sofa just beside the door and looks for a candle to light.

Hongjoong was fast asleep for hours and when he wakes up he sees Seonghwa in the dim living room with a candle, studying. “Hey babe, is it blackout?” He akss, voice still raspy but he receives no response and instead Seonghwa gathered his stuff and puts them on his bag. He was already crying, but he didn’t want Hongjoong to see him like that. His tears keeps on rolling down his face— “Hwa, baby, talk to me” 

“Hey what’s wrong? Baby what is it, tell me”

“Come on hwa, tell me what the fuck is wrong! Did you get into trouble? tell me. Did i do something wrong? Did i.. did i do something to make you mad?! tell me!” Hongjoong was already yelling at him and fighting with him at that state won’t make anything right. 

“Im tired joong” Seonghwa says softly

“You’re tired? Tired of what exactly? Tell me”

“Im tired. Im tired okay!” Seonghwa’s voice raises, at this point his emotions are just all over the place with his nonstop tears falling down “Im fucking tired of always making some way for you. Im tired of picking you up when you’re down. Im tired adjusting for you. Im tired joong. im so fucking tired of all of this but i love you..” His voice was shaking, he truly loves Hongjoong but he’s so tired. He just wants to rest.

“You’re tired of us?”

“Its not like that don’t twist my words. Im tired of you and your behavior. Im tired of always defending you, im tired of always looking for a reason to stay. Im tired..” Seonghwa says and he doesn’t care anymore. He tells hongjoong everything, his pain and he couldn’t stop crying. He is barely making his sentences understandable “Im so tired. I don’t want this anymore” he says, Hongjoong didn’t even realized the tears building up on his eyes when they fall. His tears rolled down his cheeks when he heard Seonghwa say he doesn’t want this anymore. He felt a string in his heart just got cut, he didn’t even knew Seonghwa felt that way until now and somehow he didn’t even understood himself back then as to why he just completely let his pride got the best of him “You don’t want this anymore? then leave.” He says bluntly. 

Seonghwa stared at him for a while, the silence breaking in his ears and heart. He was waiting for Hongjoong to apologize but he asks him to leave? Seonghwa immediately knew, he did not even matter not even as a star to hongjoong’s skies. He was just there and he felt used. He did not see the adoration in Hongjoong’s eyes, he did not see the love or the pain. It was empty. His eyes were empty and he did not realize that until now. 

Seonghwa let out a bitter laugh “I always knew it would end like this” He walks away from Hongjoong and hongjoong follows him from behind but he did not budge. He just grabbed all of his things, packed them into his luggage and wiped his tears with his hands. “Everyone was right, I should’ve never gotten involved with you. Im sorry that you’re hurting. Im truly sorry that not one person sees your talent but Hongjoong..” Seonghwa pauses, he gulps down the threatening weakness in his voice. Its been so long since he called him by his name. 

“Hongjoong-ah, I truly believe in you.” He managed to say before he walked out of their apartment. He walks and walks for hours that night and how fucking lucky he could get? the rain starts pouring heavily and his eyes were blood shot because of crying. He ends up in the bus stop, wet and freezing cold. He just broke up with his long time boyfriend but he pulls out his reviewer, he pushes himself to keep on hanging there. The exam is tomorrow already but here he is, a fucking mess but thanks to his amazing genes he was able to ace the licensure exam.

———

Four years later and Seonghwa is managing their own hospital. He could never be so proud of himself, he was able to do all that despite his heart being broken. The next day though he drinks and drinks until he collapsed with Wooyoung and Yunho on his side. He complains for the whole damn day about how he was tired and he’s so glad he had Yunho and Wooyoung with him, if it weren’t for his friends he wouldn’t know where he would be.

“Is Doctor Park in?” An unknown person in a baseball cap and face mask asks the nurse counter.

“Yes Sir, Do you have any appointments?”

“Actually no, but could you please tell him it’s Kim Hongjoong”

The nurses eyes widen upon seeing the other person’s face, It’s Kim Hongjoong. One of the top artist in the country. A fucking idol is in their hospital so who is she to deny such requests? The nurse was quick to guide him to the Doctor’s office, forgetting to inform the Doctor. 

Hongjoong says thank you. Before knocking thrice on the door and he hears Seonghwa’s cheerful voice “come in” 

Its beem so long, he misses Seonghwa and at that moment, he begins to contemplate if it’s right to show up unannounced like this. He stands there in the doorway, mind flying away with hundreds of worse scenarios but just before he could turn on his heel to leave, the door opens with Seonghwa in his white gown, looking like a fucking greek god like he always does ever since.

\- THE END -


End file.
